I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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