Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
