who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
