Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
