maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
the raccoons are back...
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