Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
