Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
