I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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