so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
