paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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