whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
