1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
