If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize