Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
