I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
