last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
