I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
