Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
