I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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