Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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