Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
