Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
