Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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