I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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