I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
