got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
