So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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