Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
