Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Gay?
German.
Pity.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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