I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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