you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
