dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
