Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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