I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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