at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
did i just pee glitter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
