i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want nice things and good sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
