remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
