apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize