My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
