I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
