Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
