dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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