there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
