I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
