The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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