Duck Duck Cougar?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
