Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
