Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
