Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
