Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
