she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
