my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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