So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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