i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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