she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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