Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
