I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
