If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
