I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
