I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
