I have demons in me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
