hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
