she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
