I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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