a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
