Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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