I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's blow job season.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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