He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize