They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
