There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
