a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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